It helps...

It's tough, and always will be...

But it really helps when you have someone their to sympathise and empathise, and share experiences with... Stayed up late, and cried my eyes out... pretty sure I upset her too, but she knows I didn't mean to..

I feel like a rather large weights been lifted, because I'm not on my own anymore,

So thank you ^^

The power of a silly song...

So I'd been thinking 'bout it all day, 4 months on, and everyday she's still on my mind...

So I sit down in the sitting room and my folks are watching Have I Got News For You, Rolf Harris was presenting this week. I knew I'd heard of him before, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it... The show was quite funny, and I thought to myself "Quite cool, for an old guy" then the credits rolled.. Then they brought him back up again, to do the bloopers I thought... but then..

He started singing... getting everyone to sing... the song that she used to sing to us when she watched us... since as long as I could remember she'd taught us that song..

Two little boys had two little toys
Each had a wooden horse
Gayly they played each summer's day
Warriors both of course
One little chap then had a mishap
Broke off his horse's head
Wept for his toy then cried with joy
As his young playmate said:

"Did you think I would leave you crying
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Jack and don't be crying
I can go just as fast with two
When we grow up we'll both be soldiers
And our horses will not be toys
And I wonder if we'll remember
When we were two little boys"

Long years had passed, war came so fast
Bravely they marched away
Cannon roared loud, and in the mad crowd
Wounded and dying lay
Up goes a shout, a horse dashes out
Out from the ranks so blue
Gallops away to where Joe lay
Then came a voice he knew:

"Did you think I would leave you dying
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Joe, we'll soon be flying
I can go just as fast with two
Did you say Joe I'm all a-tremble
Perhaps it's the battle's noise
But I think it's that I remember
When we were two little boys

Do you think I would leave you dying
There's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Joe, we'll soon by flying
Back to the ranks so blue
Can you feel Joe I'm all a tremble
Perhaps it's the battle's noise
But I think it's that I remember
When we were two little boys"

And the thing is, I know it's only a silly little song, but it was ours... our aul auntie and ours...
And then I hear her voice singing it again, and my hearts in my mouth... I ran out to the kitchen and sat on the floor so no-one could see or hear me, and cried. Cried it all out. The dogs sitting, staring like they understood, which I know sounds odd, but it's what it looked like...

4 months on, and anytime I hear one of her songs, see something she gave me, pass by her old road, hear people talk about her, I cry.. Every night when me and my brother say our prayer to her, my heart sinks...

Little Flower,
Show your Power,
Every hour.

She taught me that prayer, and she taught me that song. She taught me to bake and she taught me to iron. She taught me to be who I am and ignore the people who put you down.

I just don't get why she can't still teach me... teach me to be stronger?