First Christmas.

So this Christmas has been one of many firsts. It's odd to think, each year at the same time, we have done the same thing for so long, and really rather enjoyed it... and how one event can upset these traditions totally...

This was the first year I didn't write my list for Santa. Not because I wasn't into the whole Christmas thing, but there was nothing I wanted... I didn't feel like making my parents go out and buy me things I didn't need, wouldn't use, and really couldn't afford. These days who has the money to waste?

Christmas morning was the first time I didn't wake my brothers up in the small hours of the morning to go downstairs to discover what Santa may have brought... but was in fact awoken at 6:30 by them... I wanted to go back to sleep... but I got up for their sakes... On our way down, Mylo bypassed my Dad, so for the first time it wasn't Dad who "Checked to make sure Santa actually came" which was weird... the end of an era I thought...

Of course, even though I hadn't asked for anything, I still got presents, and I must admit I was surprised. It was the first time I had gotten really girly presents for Christmas. Last year, it probably would have bothered me, but it didn't. 2009 must have been my year for growing up, eh?

After present time, we didn't call... Every Christmas after we'd woken up... (excuse me while I get a bit tearie-eyed here), usually we would call our Auntie Mar-Mar. We'd try get up earlier to catch her out sometimes, but she was always up awaiting our call... We would tell her all about our presents, exchange Christmas wishes, and tell her how much we looked forward to seeing her later that day... but this year there was no call... our first year without her TO call... It really left quite a considerable hole in the morning, one I didn't know how to fill... so in true teenage fashion, for the first Christmas ever, I went back to bed for a few hours.

We left the house late on our trip to Dublin. We usually left earlier so we could visit Mar-Mars house. Every Christmas morning it was a hub of activity! She'd have barrels of whatever your poison was. The men sat around the kitchen table exchanging small talk, while the women and children sat in the comfort of the sitting room, kids running in and out of the parlour. It was the place where you could see all of those relations you only see once a year and they'd brag about all of the things their children did that year, about what they'd bought, and you'd sit there pretending to care... All the while Mar-Mar would potter about, avoiding listening to any of that banter and occasionally winking at me as if to say "haha, I don't have to listen to that any more, they think I'm an aul wan!" But we didn't have that this year...

At 2-ish we arrived at my nans, dinner time, yum! She always makes the best spread, and always has something different for me and her! (She's used my becoming a vegetarian as an excuse to give herself and myself better food than everyone else =P). One thing was to be different this year for dinner. Y'see... every year for Christmas Auntie M. always made a trifle for my Grandad for dessert. A small gesture you'd think... but just before Christmas he told my Nan it would be his first Christmas without... without a trifle AND without her. I knew how much something small like that would mean to him. And so, being the little treasure I am, arrived on Christmas and presented him with my very own trifle! "Oh wow, big deal?" I can hear you say, but in a tough year, with all the problems my family has faced, I could see this one small gesture made it all better for him. He seemed finally... happy? Happy that someone had thought to continue at least one of her traditions, keep her alive in that way...

My Auntie Maura was awesome. There is no other word to describe her, but awesome. And her loss left a big hole, especially in Christmas. But they say with every loss there's a gain and at 9pm that night we met our gain for the first time. Baby Amy Margaret, the first girl Grandchild born since myself. The most adorable bundle, with the reddest, crankiest face I have ever seen, but adorable nonetheless. My new competition for attention haha.. But with her I didn't just gain one cousin, because although this is my Uncle Paddys first kidlet, it's not Mary-Claires. We gained a whole new family!


It's not the best picture, I'll be the first to admit. But I love it. The new trinity of the Tyrrell clan, Robyn, me and Amy. The Girls, or as Robyn said to me, the new bestest cousins!

So for a day that began lacking in hope or expectation, it ended with plenty! While we may not have had the same traditions, we may not have had Mar-Mar to share it with, we got something new. We began new traditions. We gained more family. We got to give the day that's been the same for years before I was even born a bit of a revamp. And sure *cheesy line* we know Mar-Mar was obviously there with us in spirit!

♫ I'm not gonna brew you a love potion ♫

20:55, not even an hour after seeing Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Many people had seen it before me, and many people had slated the movie in it's entirety. I've read terrible reviews, and my expectations were quite low for this film... but boy, was I pleasantly surprised!

Everyone complains about how these pictures never live up to the books, and about how much they change, or what important parts they've left out, but I simply disagree. Films and books are different. Books are filled with so much detail, and have no time-frame in which the reader needs to finish. Films however, have only two or three hours to tell a tale. They also have to be extraordinary enough to appeal to movie-goers. It is all about telling a story, and making money from it at the end of the day! It isn't about sticking to the books exactly, and putting every single little detail you think they should into it.

There are some times you need to sit back, ignore the books, ignore your critical side, and just enjoy the movie.

After pushing that side away, and shushing the person beside me who kept saying "Awh it's terrible, you're gonna hate it!" I was immediately engrossed in this magical new adventure Mr. Potter was being taken on. The special fx stunned me! I thought they were ridiculously awesome! As for the demolition of the Weasley Abode- I KNOW it wasn't in the book, but I don't care! It was a totally unexpected twist, that was used to shock the avid Potter readers! It gave the movie it's own voice! It said

"Yes, we may be based on a book, but we have our own twists and turns and aren't going to turn into a predictable pile of mediocrity."

Helena Bonham Carter's performance was amazing, as usual. However I was slightly bothered by her tendency to sniff peoples shoulders... but it all just added to the character of Bellatrix. She was enchanting... for a baddie of course.

A favourite point in the film, (also quite sad when Aragog dies), was when Harry took the Felix Felicitus potion. It was nice to see him free from all the angst and pressure. Twas Made of win ^^

After getting over the excitement of seeing the Cliffs of Mohair, finding a horcrux, and returning to the castle, came the much dreaded scene... The murder of Dumbledore brought a tear to my eye (or at least made me feel a tad emotional). It really was touching, and I knew it was going to happen. I remember feeling exactly like that when I read the books, and it felt like I was losing Albie all over again. So I applaud all involved in the film for that moment.

I know I could write more, but in actual fact I'd rather not. I could criticise, as I myself do have complaints, changes, and book-related things to write about, but I won't. I won't because no matter how much we criticise it, it won't change it. It will still be the same film, so why not just enjoy it?

Alienation?

The one place I was always relaxed was there.
The one thing I always looked forward to was that.
The one group of people I always felt I could trust was them.
The one group of people I always felt I could rely on was them.
I always had faith...

I never thought I would feel so outside... so forgotten about...

Disappointedly I was hugged, not warmly as you'd expect from friends... Disappointed it was me they had to hug, before they could get to the people they actually wanted to see... Then grouped together, they engaged inconversation and in- jokes leaving me and the others who hadn't been with them everyday to the side...

They made plans to visit each other, and visit other people, again leaving us to shrug at each other, thinking

"why did we bother, why would we think things would ever be the same?"

Reality hit me, when it was said "You and you have to come and stay with me... and like, others" the last part of which was thrown in after realising there were others sitting with them. I realised after these people being invited into my home, the act was not going to be returned. I was simply going to be invited because I was there at the time, not because I was still part of them...

"It's great the way it all came together in our last year" was the point it really hit home.
I wasn't there, I wasn't there for the new bonding, the new relationships, the new in-jokes, so I had nothing to offer to the group anymore, I had nothing to talk about because they wanted to talk about nothing else...

Then off they went on another little adventure, with a half-hearted invitation thrown my way... but I couldn't do it, feeling enough of a 3rd wheel as it was... What would be the point? I had nothing to gain.. And now, now I'm finding it difficult to talk to anyone of them...

It was the first time I'd ever been home early from town, without being called.



Weeks other news:

• Fell down the stairs, think something in my back is now displaced.

• Angie passed away, miss him so much =,[

Summer change?

For the past week I've been able to think of her in a happy kind of way... Not getting as upset when I hear about her, or when I see her picture on the mantlepiece... I just think of her with fond memories now...

Mayhaps I just needed the time by myself, with all my friends gone away, to learn to deal with it by myself? Or maybe I had a mentle block, because I thought I needed to talk about it, but never thought anyone would quite get it? I don't know...

I think she needed me to accept it, so she can help me with all of the other problems I need to deal with. God knows I have far too much to deal with for a teenage girl! Yeah, that must be it, she can help me through it now, my new guardian angel...

Haha, that started the emotions working again, but not in a bad way this time, not in the uncontrollable sobbing kind-of way...

Little flower,
Show your power,
Every hour.
<3

The youth of today...

My usual agony aunts are all gone away, so you'll have to deal with the watershed again Bloggie ^^

As a young person, my opinion does not matter. It does not matter because I am in limbo. I cannot be a real young person, because "the age gap is too big" and I am not a real figure of authority because "she's not technically a leader" so my opinion doesn't count. Both those statements quoted above have been contradicted by the persons who made them, to suit themselves of course.

But even others in this clique have done the same. They humour me for a while with their "Yeah, go on, trust us, you poor fragile girl who has made it obvious she has trust issues in the first place" and then spit on me and say "you know what, we actually couldn't give a shit what you think, because it isn't what we think, so shut up!"

I have been an agony aunt to the people they were supposed to be looking after, I have done an unbelievable amount of work, put in so much blood, sweat and tears, but so what? She's only seventeen right? Treat her like shit and she'll bounce right back and forgive us, right?

I think this time was one too many, the little trust I had is gone, respect, amach as an fhuinneog, this time I am actually finished. All I did was try to help children, to whom my opinion does matter, and from now on that is all I will care about.

They say children are the best judges of character, so there must be areason they flock to me instead of you.

Pizza Flu

It is an epidemic that is striking nationwide... creeping up on poor, unsuspecting teens as they're settling down to enjoy a quiet sociable evening with their friends in Pizza Hut... This epidemic is called PIZZA FLU!

As consumers everywhere are ordering their plain Margarita's with Italian bases, they never suspect that their tasty treat is out for revenge...

You see folks, pizza is sick of the way it is treated, discarded as a snack for the youth of today during their trips to town, sick of being unappreciated, and sick of being mass produced and exploited by chains...

A young boy from the Dublin area, it has been reported, is to be the next victim of said Pizza Flu. Mr. Pepsi, the spokesperson for the pizza-trade-union, has declared that the young boy in question spends weekends convincing friends to join him for pizza, only to disrespect it, and engage them in mindless banter instead. Mr. Pepsi has described this boy as medium in height, with women's sized feet. He wears a hat, and answers to the orders of a mysterious blond girl.
If you know anybody who fits this description, please warn them, they will be next.

*Dramatic Musical Ending*

It helps...

It's tough, and always will be...

But it really helps when you have someone their to sympathise and empathise, and share experiences with... Stayed up late, and cried my eyes out... pretty sure I upset her too, but she knows I didn't mean to..

I feel like a rather large weights been lifted, because I'm not on my own anymore,

So thank you ^^